Today’s children are facing the consequences of parental neglect, dealing with challenges unprecedented in previous generations. Everyone has become subservient to technology and artificial intelligence in this modern era. We are so immersed in the virtual world that we overlook even our fundamental responsibilities as Muslims.
We are more susceptible to the trials and deviations now, than in the past. Even very young children are exposed to the technology, disrupting not only their childhood but also fostering inside them the dependence on these devices. Additionally, we have been facing various societal evils, such as the LGBTQ movement, Feminism, etc.
It falls upon the parents to raise their children to become unapologetic when it comes to practicing Islam, unbending to external pressures. Their primary duty is to nurture future leaders of the Ummah, instilling in them the Islamic values dealing with all the aspects of life.
A Muslim is born with a Global aim and is not to be confined and limited just to their own homes and society. Allah جل جلاله has made us the Khalifa of this world. In Surah al-Baqarah, Ayah 30, Allah جل جلاله says:
وَإِذْ قَالَ رَبُّكَ لِلْمَلَـٰٓئِكَةِ إِنِّى جَاعِلٌۭ فِى ٱلْأَرْضِ خَلِيفَةًۭ ۖ قَالُوٓا۟ أَتَجْعَلُ فِيهَا مَن يُفْسِدُ فِيهَا وَيَسْفِكُ ٱلدِّمَآءَ وَنَحْنُ نُسَبِّحُ بِحَمْدِكَ وَنُقَدِّسُ لَكَ ۖ قَالَ إِنِّىٓ أَعْلَمُ مَا لَا تَعْلَمُونَ
[Surah Al-Baqarah; Ayah 30]
Translation: And [mention, O Muhammad], when your Lord said to the angels, “Indeed, | will make upon the earth a successive authority.” They said, “Will You place upon it one who causes corruption therein and sheds blood, while we declare Your praise and sanctify You?” Allah said, “Indeed, | know that which you do not know.”
We, as Muslim need to be very clear about the purpose of our lives. Until we are sure about our purpose, we won’t be able to raise generations who live with a purpose. We will get the answer to this question in the Qur’an itself, where Allah جل جلاله says in Surah Adh Dariyat (Ayah 56):
وَمَا خَلَقْتُ الْجِنَّ وَالْإِنسَ إِلَّا لِيَعْبُدُونِ
Translation: I did not create jinn and humans except to worship Me.
This verse makes it evident that the primary reason for Allah’s creation of humans and jinn is solely to worship Him, and nothing else. Therefore, our purpose in living life and raising our children should be grounded in this verse. Every action we take, and the way we lead our lives, should align with the rules, regulations, and guidance outlined by Almighty Allah in the THE RIGHT WAY OF PARENTING IN ISLAM Holy Qur’an and the teachings of our beloved Prophet Mohammad صلى الله عليه وسلم. Allah جل جلاله says in the Qur’an: َوَيۡ
وَمَن يُطِعِ ٱللَّهَ وَرَسُولَهُۥ وَيَخْشَ ٱللَّهَ وَيَتَّقْهِ فَأُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ هُمُ ٱلْفَآئِزُونَ
[Surah An-Nur; Ayah 52]
Translation: And whoever obeys Allah and His Messenger and fears Allah and is conscious of Him – it is those who are the successful ones.
A Muslim must comprehend the value of being a parent, the necessity of educating children for the afterlife, and the duty of shielding them from hellfire.
Our role is not merely to instruct our children on how to earn money within the confines of the capitalist system, becoming mere cogs in the machinery devised by this deceptive society. It’s crucial to recognize that a capitalist society fundamentally views human beings as machines. Per classical management theory, companies are likened to machines, with human beings treated as individual components of that machine.
We should remember that Allah says in Surah Al-Baqarah, Ayah 2-5:
ذَٰلِكَ ٱلْكِتَـٰبُ لَا رَيْبَ ۛ فِيهِ ۛ هُدًۭى لِّلْمُتَّقِينَ/ٱلَّذِينَ يُؤْمِنُونَ بِٱلْغَيْبِ وَيُقِيمُونَ ٱلصَّلَوٰةَ وَمِمَّا رَزَقْنَـٰهُمْ يُنفِقُونَ/وَٱلَّذِينَ يُؤْمِنُونَ بِمَآ أُنزِلَ إِلَيْكَ وَمَآ أُنزِلَ مِن قَبْلِكَ وَبِٱلْـَٔاخِرَةِ هُمْ يُوقِنُونَ/أُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ عَلَىٰ هُدًۭى مِّن رَّبِّهِمْ ۖ وَأُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ هُمُ ٱلْمُفْلِحُونَ
Translation: This is the Book about which there is no doubt, a guidance for those conscious of Allah – Who believe in the unseen, establish prayer, and spend out of what we have provided for them, and who believe in what has been revealed to you, [O Muhammad], and what was revealed before you, and of the Hereafter they are certain [in faith]. Those are upon [right] guidance from their Lord, and it is those who are successful.
A Muslim’s view of life is long-term. It is not restricted to life on Earth. His decisions are influenced by benefits and consequences in the afterlife. True success is the success of life in the hereafter. This does not restrict the pursuit of success in worldly terms. However, there is an emphasis on intentions behind worldly pursuits–whether they are for the pleasure of Allah جل جلاله or other purposes.
Allah (SWT) declares in Surah At-Tehreem, Ayah 6:
يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ قُوٓا۟ أَنفُسَكُمْ وَأَهْلِيكُمْ نَارًۭا وَقُودُهَا ٱلنَّاسُ وَٱلْحِجَارَةُ عَلَيْهَا مَلَـٰٓئِكَةٌ غِلَاظٌۭ شِدَادٌۭ
Translation: O you who believe, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones, over which are appointed angels, harsh and severe.
When we examine the significance and consequences of this verse, it becomes evident that it serves as a serious caution. This embodies a fundamental principle of Islamic parenting.
In one of the Sahih Hadeeth, the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said: “Each of you is a guardian and is responsible for his ward. The ruler is a guardian, and the man is a guardian of the members of his household; and the woman is a guardian and is responsible for her husband’s house and his offspring; and so, each of you is a guardian and is responsible for his ward.” [Sahih alBukhari 5200]
The aforementioned hadith emphasizes how paramount parenting is. Parents should focus more on preparing their children for the hereafter than on providing for and protecting their children in this world. Parents are responsible for how well they carry out their duties; have they made enough efforts to guarantee their children’s rights are met and to raise them as responsible, educated members of society? If our children stray from the path and fail to lead a proper life, then we, as Muslim parents, will be deemed to have failed in our role as parents.
Instead of aspiring for our children to become figures like celebrities or billionaire businessmen, parents should strive to raise their daughters in the manner of revered figures such as Fatima, Aishah, or Khadijah (may Allah be pleased with them), and raise boys resembling Hazrat Abu Bakr, Omar, or Ali (may Allah be pleased with them). While some Muslims express the desire for their children to emulate these exemplary individuals, the approach they take in nurturing their children often results in them following a path leading to commonplace identities like Tom, Harry, or John. This reflects the paradoxical situation within the Muslim community.
It is vital for a parent to understand the fundamental concept that children are a test, which holds them accountable on the Day of Judgment. Allah جل جلاله says in Surah Al-Anfal:
وَٱعْلَمُوٓا۟ أَنَّمَآ أَمْوَٰلُكُمْ وَأَوْلَـٰدُكُمْ فِتْنَةٌۭ وَأَنَّ ٱللَّهَ عِندَهُۥٓ أَجْرٌ عَظِيمٌۭ
Translation: And know that your properties and your children are but a trial and that Allah has with Him a great reward.
The aforementioned verse emphasizes the significance of the test that evaluates how parents raise their children. It asks whether they follow all Islamic precepts in raising their children, such as kindness, love, and respect. Are they preparing their children for paradise and the afterlife? Sadly, many people fail this test. Muslim parents who fail this test rob themselves of a priceless chance to reap eternal and spiritual rewards. Nothing is more rewarding and honorable for parents than to watch their children develop into obedient servants of Allah. Obedient children can also add enduring good deeds to a parent’s record through their prayers.
The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said: “When a person dies, no good deeds will be added to his record except for three: continuous charity, beneficial knowledge, and a pious child who supplicates for him” (Sahih Muslim).
Islam goes far beyond this by teaching us that our parenting efforts must first and foremost start with supplications to God and instructs us to pray for pure and righteous kids, which is something that parents must comprehend. Every married woman should supplicate to Allah with these duas which have been told by our Lord in the Qur’an itself:
هُنَالِكَ دَعَا زَكَرِيَّا رَبَّهُۥ ۖ قَالَ رَبِّ هَبْ لِى مِن لَّدُنكَ ذُرِّيَّةًۭ طَيِّبَةً ۖ إِنَّكَ سَمِيعُ ٱلدُّعَآءِ
Translation: Then and there, Zachariah prayed to his Lord, saying, “My Lord! Grant me-by your grace-righteous offspring. You are certainly the Hearer of ‘all’ prayers.”
وَٱلَّذِينَ يَقُولُونَ رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَٰجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّـٰتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍۢ وَٱجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا
Translation: They are those who pray, “Our Lord! Bless us with pious spouses and offspring who will be the joy of our hearts, and make us models for the righteous.”
There are certain important things that we need to understand about children, before carrying out mindful Islamic parenting. These include the following:
All Human beings are born on the Fitrah. The Qur’an and Sunnah mention the fitrah as the inherent element of human nature inclined towards worshiping Allah and moral behavior. Nurturing this natural inclination in children helps safeguard their faith and adherence to Islamic principles.
Research in childhood psychology suggests that children naturally lean toward goodness, justice, kindness, and empathy. This inclination is believed to be guided by fitrah, leading humans to seek purpose and prosperity and yearning for morally upright behavior and a meaningful existence worthy of God’s friendship.
So, what can go wrong that can corrupt the fitrah and take the child away from the path of faith? One narration of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم speaks directly to the role of the parents. He صلى الله عليه وسلم said, Book 33, Number 6423:
“There is none born but is created to his true nature (Islam). It is his parents who make him a Jew or a Christian or a Magian quite as beasts produce their young with their limbs perfect. Do you see anything deficient in them? Then he quoted the Qur’an., The nature made by Allah in which He has created men there is no altering of Allah’s creation; that is the right religion” (xxx. 33)
In Islam, a hadith affirms that children are born with the inclination to recognize and worship Allah, but their parents influence whether they nurture or reject this inclination, making parents responsible for strengthening and maintaining their children’s faith.
Parents must recognize the second important aspect, which is that they serve as both role models and mentors for their children. Playing a vital role in imparting lessons on morality, guiding youngsters in distinguishing between right and wrong, and aiding them in selecting their surroundings and associates, parents significantly contribute to instilling values of goodness and purity. Children tend to emulate the actions of their parents, so if the parents sincerely adhere to their faith and engage in virtuous deeds, their children are likely to emulate similar behavior.
The third crucial aspect for parents to bear in mind is the necessity of raising children with compassion and affection. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) exemplified kindness and mercy even towards his adversaries and displayed special care and tenderness towards children. Engaging in conversations based on principles is encouraged; rather than criticizing or commanding, foster discussions that build memories with a long-term perspective. Concentrate on a child’s capabilities rather than dwelling on their minor errors, acknowledge their positive actions, and refrain from becoming agitated by problematic behavior, recognizing that such behavior may stem from the parents’ attitudes.
In a hadith narrated by Aisha (may Allāh be pleased with her),
A bedouin came to the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم and said, “You (people) kiss the boys! We don’t kiss them.” The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said, “I cannot put mercy in your heart after Allah has taken it away from it.” [Sahih al-Bukhari]
Physical affection, such as cuddling, is important for infants to feel safe and happy, and should not be stopped as the child grows older, although it can be limited. When your child misbehaves, respond with forgiveness, and focus on fixing the mistake. Encourage saying “astaghfir-Allah” or apologizing. Teach the idea that a good deed can offset a bad deed.
The fourth crucial aspect involves dedicating time to your children. In the contemporary scenario, both mothers and fathers often engage in full-time jobs, working eight to twelve hours a day. As a result, parents may resort to hiring babysitters or enrolling their children in daycare facilities. It is during the initial seven years of life that children require substantial parental attention, particularly the nurturing care provided by mothers. Unfortunately, mothers often fail to allocate adequate time and care to their children, shifting the responsibility to the education system, namely schools. This approach can lead to the erosion and loss of a child’s true identity within the educational system. The emotional connection and sentiments that children should naturally develop for their parents diminish, gradually creating a considerable emotional distance between them.
On the contrary, fathers dedicate their entire time to the system, consistently working to earn money for their families. Dissatisfied with a modest and simple lifestyle, individuals aspire to live luxuriously, engaging in lifelong competition with others in this pursuit. Consequently, they find themselves unable to fully relish their family life and are also constrained in contributing to their religion and the Ummah. It is imperative for us to acknowledge the significance of the time and resources bestowed upon us by Allah. Our objective should not be confined to accumulating wealth; rather, it should involve self-education on how to lead our lives according to the teachings of the Qur’an and the Hadith. Additionally, we should strive to benefit the Ummah and propagate the religion globally.
The fifth crucial aspect involves educating parents about marriage and parenting. It is incumbent upon every Muslim to understand the purpose behind Muslim marriages and the responsibilities of raising children. Engage with a halaqa and a community that provides guidance on effective parenting. Maintain connections with friends who embrace an Islamic lifestyle in their households. Endeavor to extensively read literature on parenting, placing the highest emphasis on learning from the teachings of the Qur’an and Hadeeth.
Dr. Zeba Ansari
Relationships Manager & Coordinator
Zaytuna Academy
“The Day when neither wealth nor children will be of any benefit. Only those who come
before Allah with a pure heart [will be saved].”
Surah Ash-Shu’ara, 88-89
It is important to recognize the spiritual diseases and engage oneself in lifelong efforts to cleanse
and purify one’s heart. Just like our physical existence would become feeble and lose all its vitality
owing to lack of attention, proper nutrition, and care; our spiritual existence (our soul) also requires
sincere and continuous care through its purification using various practical and academic treatments
prescribed in Islam.
You will be the first to know when the doors open again,
